Listen to your children

Listening to your children gets results all round. And we are talking about really listening, not just going through the motions while you are cooking or cleaning the kitchen. The children always know when you are doing that.

The child who feels listened to, feels valued, worthwhile and respected. You are boosting their confidence, encouraging them to develop their communication skills, process thoughts and deal with emotions. The parent who listens earns trust, learns what makes their child tick and shares experiences and emotions.

And as an added bonus, if your business designs fun, educational toys, the children can add value – real value. Especially as they get older, they have views, they are honest and they can have some really good ideas. Most importantly, they think outside the box that we adults often get boxed into. Thanks, boys!

Being The Bigger Man

Our 12 year old son made me so proud yesterday evening. On the way to kickboxing (we do most of our ‘chats’ in the car these days!) he said how it had been really frustrating (his word, but he probably got from me in the first place) at school. Some kids had been teasing him about something or other.

Now, we need to put into context that our 12 year old often struggles to contain his emotions, be it excitement or anger, frustration or joy. We are working on it, talking about it as often as possible without nagging (!) and explaining why we can’t always have an outburst.

Anyway, yesterday he went on to say that even though a couple of the boys kept teasing him, he decided to ‘be the bigger man!’ And then he repeated it, ‘So you see, Mum, I am the bigger man.’ I swear he seemed two inches taller and his back straighter as he said it, clearly (and rightly so) proud of his own self-control. With enough of those experiences, he will soon have mastered the art completely. Parenting feels so good today.

Struck Off?

I couldn't believe it. I had done it again. I had missed the one appointment I had to keep. I only had to take the kids to the dentist. I knew I couldn't miss it, having already missed one. I just stood there, shaking my head in disbelief as I read the ominous words: ‘You and your family will be removed from our list…’.

Have you any idea how difficult it is to find a dentist on the NHS these days? Well, other mums have told me it is. Now, my kids teeth will rot. What about orthodentists? I had blown it. I had seen the entry in my diary that morning (yes, I looked at the diary!). I told my husband at breakfast that I had to take the kids to the dentist when they came in from school (yes, we actually converse in the morning - only the essential stuff!). I had imprinted it in my memory banks. And I totally forgot!

Am I going mad? Have I lost it? Surely this puts me in that list of ‘worst mums’. Racked with guilt, I made the phone call. I was going to make every excuse under the sun, but you know, I would be outraged if my kids did that. So I explained to the dental receptionist, ‘I’m sorry, it was in my diary, and I told my husband that morning but…’

There was a pregnant pause at the other end. I held my breath. Should I talk? Should I cry? Should I say sorry again? Finally the voice spoke, ‘We appreciate your call Mrs W,' she paused (and I thought, 'Let's just get this over with!') 'but we don’t have any appointments now until next month…’ I wasn’t listening any more. I played her words carefully over in my head again. She was keeping us. We were still on the list. Joy coursed through my veins and then relief. I returned to the conversation just as she added proudly, ‘and we have this new system now where we text the day before your appointment.’ I was glad I told the truth and I shall never miss another appointment again (I was touching wood with fingers crossed when I said that!).

The Family Walk

Their shoulders dropped and their down-turned mouths let out a long pained moan. ‘Come on, boys, it’ll be fun. We haven’t done a family walk in ages.’ Mum and Dad had planned it meticulously. 3 miles to the first pub, 1½ miles to the next and another 3 miles back to the village pub. It was a gorgeous day and we were wise to take water and nibbles.

Dad was on point and set off at a good pace. Mum kept up and the boys (12 & 14) brought up the rear at a safe distance, together, chatting continuously about everything and anything. We couldn’t really make out the jist of it all, but it was lovely to hear them conversing.

Later on we all walked together along a quiet road, then Mum walked with B and later still Dad with D. On the homeward stretch, B said to me, ’Mum, we should do this more often.’ I agreed and we shall really try to – it was lovely to talk.

Chores Galore

We had the chance to brim with pride on Sunday (and it certainly had nothing to do with football!). The clouds looked suddenly heavy and thundery at our barbeque. The washing was on the line because I’d forgotten to wash the school uniform the day before. Our friends don’t mind. I called D (12 yrs) over and asked if he wouldn’t mind taking in the washing while the rest of us tidied up the food etc. Little star folded and flattened beautifully. And the compliments were flowing.

Our boys have had chores since they were six years old: tidying their rooms, putting clothes away, emptying the dishwasher, filling the washing machine, bringing in the washing, doing pack lunches and now they even cook. We do give them pocket money, now up to £3.50 per week. But we have never paid them to do regular chores. We do pay for the extras, like mowing the lawn - seems only fair.

Over the years we have had heard plenty backchat along the lines of, ‘None of my friends have to do this stuff!’ But as they have grown a bit older, it’s more along the lines of, ‘I can’t believe X is so lazy, he never helps his mum,’ or ‘I can’t believe Y can’t boil an egg.’ We hope these responsibilities give them confidence and self-esteem and teach them some basic life skills.

Exam Week – it's way worse for the parents

It’s been a bit of a stressy week – the dreaded exam week. I am exhausted having ‘virtually’ revised for and sat over 25 papers. Thankfully the boys (13 and 14) were totally unphased by the whole event – probably because I was there in spirit doing all the hard stuff.

I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, knowing that today is the last day. No more pressure. Wish I could be as cool as our kids. It’s the way we were brought up: to study hard, be on the ball, cover the angles, go to bed early, do practise papers. You remember those days, don't you?

It is different nowadays. The kids seem more relaxed. It’s no big deal. Of course, we have gently encouraged revision, in line with booklets from the school. So their laid back approach must be down to our adopted parenting skills (when we remember!). And I am glad the boys are laid back. It is so easy to take it all too seriously. I am going to take a leaf out of their book when exam week comes round again.

Multi-tasking men

We do give them a bit of grief, really, don’t we – you know – on the issue of multi-tasking. But I will think twice next time I am tempted.

We have a house rule – rooms to be tidied, once a week – for inspection on Thursday morning. Our definition of tidy: Mum can see the floor throughout; bed made; possibly some clothes on chair, others folded and put away or in linen basket; bits and bobs under bed or in cupboard.

I knocked on our teenager B’s door on Wednesday evening to give him the heads up about his room. When I went in he was doing his sit-ups (I think he does a mere 100 or so!). I had to take a second look to fully understand the whole situation: he was folding his clothes while he was doing his sit-ups! How cool is that? This young man can definitely multi-task.